For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize