i think my tv is drunk
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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