Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
