so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
