You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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