can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
