Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
