is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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