So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
