Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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