SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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