Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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