I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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