She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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