Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
