What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
