Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
