His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
