he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
