I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
