rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
