No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize