I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dignity is for republicans.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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