oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize