Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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