She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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