"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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