He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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