i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
