I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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