Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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