I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
