can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I didn't notice because vodka
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
