Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize