i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
