and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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