I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
