And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
