He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
