If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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