My pussy is not your playground.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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