so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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