Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
