sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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