how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
