life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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