i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
