i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
