she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
