And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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