just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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