just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
