he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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