Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
