areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
