I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
