you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
