I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
