I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
