absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
