Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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