When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
