I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
