My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
