Buhtt sex?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
