You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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