I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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