id be glad to
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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