he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
