So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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