So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
