your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
