HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
